I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
