his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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