ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We are all done wearing pants today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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