we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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