Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
