i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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