that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize