she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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