I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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