she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
