I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
