TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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