I am in a vortex of obligation.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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