it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
