i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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