my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
