just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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