Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize