Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
