got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So many bounce houses so little time
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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