i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
