I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
