and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i think i just lost a toe
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize