Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
