exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
