I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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