i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
