She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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