The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
bring money and cleavage
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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