My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
