At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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