3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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