I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
