Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
