she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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