3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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