True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
