So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
