Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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