i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
