why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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