Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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