You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
honey bunches of taint.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
