So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
