Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
