he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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