Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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