I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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