please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
