You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize