i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am available for nakedness
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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