Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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