I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize