he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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