he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize