I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
