What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
