Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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