dude i'm inner monologue high
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
