he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
