If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
