No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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