it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
