I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Farmville is her only friend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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